SLCoran
06-09-2008, 05:43 PM
I find these even funnier knowing she is in her 70's
>> New York City Report Cards
>> These are actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers in
>> the New York City public school system. All teachers were reprimanded
>> but, boy, are these funny!!!
>>
>> 1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has
>> started to dig.
>> 2. I would not allow this student to breed.
>> 3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.
>> 4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
>> 5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to
>> achieve them.
>> 6. The student has a "full six-pack" but lacks the plastic thing to
>> hold it all together.
>> 7. This child has been working with glue too much.
>> 8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.
>> 9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't
>> coming.
>> 10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice
>> a week.
>> 11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat
>> out 1,000,000 others.
>> 12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.
>>
>>
>> These 16 Police Comments were taken off actual police car videos around
>> the country:
>>
>> 16 "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just
>> went through."
>> 15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll
>> stretch after you wear them a while."
>> 14 "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth
>> certificate a worthless document."
>> 13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
>> 12 "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the
>> speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."
>> 11 "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can
>> write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"
>> 10 "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think
>> it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"
>> 9 "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that
>> again or I'll give you another ticket."
>> 8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are
>> drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
>> 7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go
>> t o ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey
>> poop."
>> 6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster
>> oven."
>> 5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."
>> 4 "How big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"
>> 3 "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're
>> allowed to write as many tickets as we want."
>>
>> 2 "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of
>> yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."
>>
>>
>> AND THE WINNER IS....
>>
>> 1 "You didn' t think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we
>> don't. Sign here
>> New York City Report Cards
>> These are actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers in
>> the New York City public school system. All teachers were reprimanded
>> but, boy, are these funny!!!
>>
>> 1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has
>> started to dig.
>> 2. I would not allow this student to breed.
>> 3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.
>> 4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
>> 5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to
>> achieve them.
>> 6. The student has a "full six-pack" but lacks the plastic thing to
>> hold it all together.
>> 7. This child has been working with glue too much.
>> 8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.
>> 9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't
>> coming.
>> 10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice
>> a week.
>> 11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat
>> out 1,000,000 others.
>> 12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.
>>
>>
>> These 16 Police Comments were taken off actual police car videos around
>> the country:
>>
>> 16 "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just
>> went through."
>> 15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll
>> stretch after you wear them a while."
>> 14 "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth
>> certificate a worthless document."
>> 13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
>> 12 "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the
>> speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."
>> 11 "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can
>> write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"
>> 10 "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think
>> it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"
>> 9 "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that
>> again or I'll give you another ticket."
>> 8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are
>> drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
>> 7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go
>> t o ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey
>> poop."
>> 6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster
>> oven."
>> 5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."
>> 4 "How big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"
>> 3 "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're
>> allowed to write as many tickets as we want."
>>
>> 2 "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of
>> yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."
>>
>>
>> AND THE WINNER IS....
>>
>> 1 "You didn' t think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we
>> don't. Sign here