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atomicbob
06-04-2005, 11:25 AM
NETWORKS ASK JACKSON'S JUDGE FOR NEW TRIAL

Current Proceedings 'Not Long Enough,' News Outlets Argue

On the eve of closing arguments in the Michael Jackson child-molestation trial, a coalition of the major all-news networks has asked the judge in the case for a new trial, claiming that the current legal proceedings were "not long enough."

A spokesperson for the networks, Peter Fendell, held a press conference on Thursday to state the cable news outlets' position that the current trial had given "short shrift" to the key issues in the case.

"Unless there is another, longer trial, preferably one that lasts until May sweeps in 2007, justice will not be served," Mr. Fendell said.

He said that a longer trial would allow more time to focus on the lurid sexual details of the case, which he said had been "glossed over."

He added that, in addition to being "too quick and cursory," the current Jackson trial was marred by the insufficient number and quality of celebrity witnesses.

"Instead of Jay Leno, George Lopez and Macaulay Culkin, in a new trial we would like to see Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton and Johnny Depp," he said.

In response to the networks' request, the judge in the case, Superior Court Judge Rodney S. Melville, issued a terse response: "If the networks think Michael Jackson is getting another trial, they must be on crack," adding, "They might as well ask for O.J. Simpson to have another trial."

"We'll settle for that," Mr. Fendell replied.

Elsewhere, a Florida man today sued the makers of Viagra for causing him to go blind, claiming that he has been having sex with the wrong person for the past two years.

DemonEyes
06-04-2005, 11:40 AM
Is this real??? My god the networks and media in this country are fucked up enough as it is, but wtf is this shit?? Some people definitely need to be shot if this is real.

atomicbob
06-04-2005, 11:50 AM
ROFL!!!

Just a little twisted morning humor.

:jester:

Phenix
06-04-2005, 01:10 PM
Elsewhere, a Florida man today sued the makers of Viagra for causing him to go blind, claiming that he has been having sex with the wrong person for the past two years.

:rofl: :LolLolLolLol:

SnaKe
06-04-2005, 01:38 PM
:LolLolLolLol: :rofl:

did you write that urself Bob?

Demont, I have some cheap land in Florida you might be interest in. :P

GroovyDude
06-05-2005, 07:38 AM
Demont, I have some cheap land in Florida you might be interest in. :P

Certainly this isn't where I live. According to a report I heard on CNN the other day, my city is in the top five fo expensive, albeit overpriced housing, in the U.S.